Play 23


Dog Sitting


They sit in their apartment

Savannah: Guys, meet... Tyler Durden.

Brigette: I'm sorry, who?

Savannah: His name, is Tyler Durden

Brigette: hahahaha... the dog is Tyler Durden

Savannah: Yes.

Brigette: Why do we have a dog?

Savannah: Well my manager Dukes is out of town and Josh couldn't take him because he had to do some moving around this week and Nicole couldn't take him because she, I can't remember what she said she had to do but so I was like the last pick, but I guess he's house broken and he just kinda stays in his crate, he's like four so it really shouldn't even be a big deal, it's only for a few days and then my other manager Becky is gonna take him but Becky was saying that she probably-

Brigette: oh god, shut up, you're dog sitting for your manager? Fine.

Sarah: Whiskey Cat is gonna be wayyy better than Tyler Durden

Savannah: Whiskey Cat?

Brigette: Yeah, that't the name of the cat we're getting

Savannah: Why's it named that?

Sarah: Cuz we're gonna train it to bring us shots of whiskey

Savannah: Oh perfect.

Brigette: Man guys, you know what I just realized.

Savannah: What

Sarah: What

Brigette: We have no value for memory anymore.

Savannah: Who's we?

Brigette: Like, as a generation.

Sarah: Why do you say that?

Brigette: Ok, because fucking everything is documented. Everything is somewhere. I never take pictures, really, until I got this fucking iphone, just cuz i'm trying... but anyway, I never take pictures. Like, when I went to Europe, my parents bought me a camera for Christmas, yelling at me that I couldn't go to Europe without a camera, and I took like 15 pictures and was annoyed by them all... and then when I went to Costa Rica, I didn't even bring a camera, I was there for two weeks and I went without any technology for the whole thing and I didn't even bring my ipod for the flight and-

Savannah: Brigette, you were making a point

Brigette: Oh, yeah, well, what i'm saying is... anyone who fucking knows me can see my trips to both of these places, like I didn't even document this shit, and anybody can look through all my pictures to see the places i've been. So why would I bother remembering it? Why would anyone bother remembering any details to later describe to someone, why would we enjoy a person's version of a story when we can just fucking log on and see all the time we took out of our trip to capture a blurry, distant picture of a sloth? Everything is documented, it just kinda makes me sad.

Savannah: anywayyyyyyyy

Sarah: Where's Tyler Durden?

Savannah: Oh, right here.

Brigette: That dog is fucking ugly

Savannah: No, come on, it's kinda cute

Brigette: No, it's not. It's ugly. Oh hey little fucking ugly guy... oh god damnit, Savannah, it's peeing

Savannah: What? Tyler Durden! Oh man

Brigette: It's whole body is shaking, this dog cannot control itself

Sarah: Guys, so I had this ideaaa

Brigette: Let's here it

Sarah: what if, we cover the walls with velcro and then we can just attach anything else that we put velcro on to the walls

Savannah: That's kinda retarded

Sarah: Yeah I know

Savannah: Sarah, you do whatever you want. Tyler Durden!

Brigette: Come here, little guy. The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about fight club. The second rule of Fight Club is you do NOT talk about fight club.

Savannah: You're scaring it.

Brigette: This dog is Tyler Durden, he's gotta be able to take it. Ohhhh if it's your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Savannah: oh great, he peed again.

Sarah: this dog sucks

Brigette: This dog really sucks

Savannah: Oh come on, he's not so bad... he's kinda cute

Brigette: no, he's not. He sucks.

Sarah: Ew look at it's hairless belly.

Brigette: Guys, let's just get a naked mole rat.

Savannah: You would.

Brigette: I miss that naked mole rat I made. It was the greatest piece of physical art that I ever made.

Savannah: That thing was terrifying.

Brigette: Sarah, did I ever tell you about this?

Sarah: I don't think so...

Brigette: Well ya know how i'm really bad at like, visual art? Well I decided my senior year of high school for some reason to take the basic art class, like with all the freshman. And there were of course all sorts of like cliques in the class, and so I sat at the freak table... like this kid who thought he was a dinosaur and danced at lunch and was like I dunno, something was wrong with him. And then there was this mexican boy who was always wearing a hoodie that said โ€œi didn't do itโ€ and he was weird as hell, and then this girl who always wore like Pantera tshirts and her and her friends were obsessed with Foreverest, that band that our guy friends had in high school.

Sarah: haha you would enjoy this

Brigette: oh yeah, I had the greatest time. And obviously everything I made was pretty terrible, but when we were doing 3-D stuff, we had to make an animal out of clay... and all these freshman girls were doing like, butterflies and pandas and shit.. but I made this badass naked mole rat. It was amazing.

Savannah: It looked like a deformed penis with teeth and whiskers

Brigette: yeah. It looked exactly like a naked mole rat.

Savannah: Ya know, if we're gonna get a cat, we should probably just get a hairless one

Brigette: Like Dr. Evil

Savannah: I mean, doesn't that just make sense...

Brigette: It's like, if we're gonna have a cat... it should probably be the ugliest thing possible

Sarah: Why don't we just get a parrot? Or our teacup pig?

Brigette: Let's get a teacup pig and a potbelly pig.

Savannah: Yeaahhh

Sarah: What were we gonna name the potbelly pig?

Brigette: Lady Macbeth

Savannah: Well what we really need to do is apply for the artist grant so we can get a monkey

Sarah: Why so we can have a pet to eat our faces off

Brigette: Man imagine a monkey on bath salts, it would probably eat a lot of faces

Savannah: All I ever wanted was a monkey named Eugene who sat on the couch with me, and smoked blunts and we'd eat Ben & Jerry's....

Brigette: Wait what was I gonna call it

Savannah: Oh, what was it..

Brigette: Oh I know, The Ancient Mariner. I told Savannah that no matter what she named the monkey that I was gonna call it The Ancient Mariner

Savannah: And she was gonna confuse it

Brigette: Whatever

Savannah: Where's Tyler Durden?

Sarah: That dog is not cool enough for that name. He does not deserve to be called Tyler Durden.

Brigette: I know. I had really high hopes for this dog to be super awesome.

Savannah: Yeah, he does suck, doesn't he? Ugh, well, we'll just call him Tyler.

Sarah: How long is it gonna be here?

Savannah: I dunno, til Wednesday? TYLER!

Brigette: And you lost it

Savannah: I did not! TYLER! Oh fuck, Tyler! Tyler got into my peanuts.

Brigette: Ooooh, that's probably not good for him

Savannah: Oh, man, oh god, he kinda ate a lot

Sarah: A lot of peanuts?

Brigette: That is not gonna be good for him.

Savannah: Oh my god, he's gonna shit just peanuts. He ate a lot of peanuts. Oh my god, he better stop shitting peanuts before Dukes gets back. Oh my god.

Sarah: That dog sucks.

Brigette: That dog totally sucks.

Savannah: He does suck, doesn't he?

Brigette: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

Savannah: What?

Brigette: Fight Club

Sarah: Fuck Tyler Durden.