I'm Really Good At This
Erin and Aaron walk around a museum
Erin: That one's cool
Aaron: that one's kinda cool
Erin: ooh I love that one
Erin: well, it, um, I dunno
Aaron: ohhh that one's awesome
Aaron: I dunno
they pause, address the audience separately
Erin: it just becomes this constant asking of the same question, too much or not enough. Did I say too much or not enough. Did I give enough directions? Too few? Not enough hints or not enough moves? Not enough interest on my side or just not interesting enough? Should it be perfect? Why shouldn't it be?
Oh how nice, how gracious and optimistic
seriously though, why should it be? Cuz we walked out of a bar at the same time and you were holding a pack of newports. But, then again, if that's not enough of a reason, what is?
But I still haven't figured out if it's fucking worth it, ya know... I mean, look at us. We're in a fucking haven of culture, potential inspiration on like 80 percent of our surroundings, and look at us...
Aaron: That is beautiful
Erin: I agree, it reminds me of this time when I was a kid, it's quite visceral.
Aaron: oh really that's cool
Erin: See? See what I mean? And I dunno, it's not that I want it to be perfect, it obviously can't be perfect, will never be perfect, but I'm sick of being the entertaining one, I'm sick of being the cooky interesting little energy bubble that is great to have around when she's being funny but is ultimately fucking expendable for someone who I dunno, will watch your favorite tv show for hours and never say a word about any thoughts or opinions or whatever. But I can only do this for so long. It's like in order to figure out who isn't boring, I have to be boring. But like, this is boring. And he's not really that cute, and what? We like a few of the same bands? Big fucking deal. God, I dunno, I can't even enjoy myself around all this gorgeous stuff. And i'm gonna go home and not stop thinking about it, i'm gonna imagine myself saving him, myself falling madly in love so that we absolutely need each other. And then I'll keep thinking and i'll realize all these things that are wrong with him... and like, maybe he's lying, or maybe he is just having a good time and here I am still thinking about him, and it's not that i'm actually obsessed it's just I get going and can't stop imagining all these scenarios and i'm bound to convince myself that i'm in love and that i'm completely not in love in the same sitting. And it's like, maybe I should just stop overthinking it, right? But why would I look for a situation that doesn't allow me to think as much as I want, as much as I can? Shit, I dunno. I'll just reason out all the reasons why I might as well be in love with him and immediately imagine all the reasons I shouldn't even bother and might as well just head home and read another poem or something. But it's just, it's made me... it's
Erin: hey, are you having fun
Erin: well what's wrong
Aaron: I pretty much hate art museums
Erin: Oh well shit, why didn't you just say that..we could have gone like, to batting cages or something
Aaron: Well, we'd been getting along so well, I didn't wanna complicate things
Erin: Complicate things by expressing your opinion? Your opinion about doing something that you can't stand just because we had been getting along? What the fuck, man? Just fucking say something.... ya know?
Aaron: Yo, why are you pissed? I was just trying to be nice
Erin: Ugh yeah, I know... it's just, don't you think honesty could be refreshing and a nice way to avoid a lot bullshit that ends up coming between people?
Aaron: Oh. I mean, I get it. I just, I mean, it' nice to just, be nice too
Erin: But where do we draw the line between doing shit to be nice and compromising what it is that you want?
Aaron: I mean, I draw the line when I do something that is against my fiber for the other person, against my like, moral compass or beliefs or whatever... not go somewhere that I find mildly boring that another person will genuinely enjoy.
Aaron: Listen, I think you got some stuff, like relationship boundaries and understandings you gotta work on... I, I don't think that this is probably what you're looking for, um, you and me... ya know? I never wanna hurt anyone's feelings but, it's kinda looking like you got some issues to deal with so... I, uh, think i'll just go
Erin: … I'm really good at this