I'm
Really Good At This
Erin
and Aaron walk around a museum
Erin:
That one's cool
Aaron:
that one's kinda cool
Erin:
ooh I love that one
Aaron:
why
Erin:
well, it, um, I dunno
Aaron:
ohhh that one's awesome
Erin:
why
Aaron:
I dunno
they
pause, address the audience separately
Erin:
it just becomes this constant asking of the same question, too much
or not enough. Did I say too much or not enough. Did I give enough
directions? Too few? Not enough hints or not enough moves? Not enough
interest on my side or just not interesting enough? Should it be
perfect? Why shouldn't it be?
Oh
how nice, how gracious and optimistic
seriously
though, why should it be? Cuz we walked out of a bar at the same time
and you were holding a pack of newports. But, then again, if that's
not enough of a reason, what is?
But
I still haven't figured out if it's fucking worth it, ya know... I
mean, look at us. We're in a fucking haven of culture, potential
inspiration on like 80 percent of our surroundings, and look at us...
unpause
Aaron:
That is beautiful
Erin:
I agree, it reminds me of this time when I was a kid, it's quite
visceral.
Aaron:
oh really that's cool
pause
Erin:
See? See what I mean? And I dunno, it's not that I want it to be
perfect, it obviously can't be perfect, will never be perfect, but
I'm sick of being the entertaining one, I'm sick of being the cooky
interesting little energy bubble that is great to have around when
she's being funny but is ultimately fucking expendable for someone
who I dunno, will watch your favorite tv show for hours and never say
a word about any thoughts or opinions or whatever. But I can only do
this for so long. It's like in order to figure out who isn't boring,
I have to be boring. But like, this is boring. And he's not really
that cute, and what? We like a few of the same bands? Big fucking
deal. God, I dunno, I can't even enjoy myself around all this
gorgeous stuff. And i'm gonna go home and not stop thinking about it,
i'm gonna imagine myself saving him, myself falling madly in love so
that we absolutely need each other. And then I'll keep thinking and
i'll realize all these things that are wrong with him... and like,
maybe he's lying, or maybe he is just having a good time and here I
am still thinking about him, and it's not that i'm actually obsessed
it's just I get going and can't stop imagining all these scenarios
and i'm bound to convince myself that i'm in love and that i'm
completely not in love in the same sitting. And it's like, maybe I
should just stop overthinking it, right? But why would I look for a
situation that doesn't allow me to think as much as I want, as much
as I can? Shit, I dunno. I'll just reason out all the reasons why I
might as well be in love with him and immediately imagine all the
reasons I shouldn't even bother and might as well just head home and
read another poem or something. But it's just, it's made me... it's
Unpause
Erin:
hey, are you having fun
Aaron:
Kinda
Erin:
well what's wrong
Aaron:
I pretty much hate art museums
Erin:
Oh well shit, why didn't you just say that..we could have gone like,
to batting cages or something
Aaron:
Well, we'd been getting along so well, I didn't wanna complicate
things
Erin:
Complicate things by expressing your opinion? Your opinion about
doing something that you can't stand just because we had been getting
along? What the fuck, man? Just fucking say something.... ya know?
Aaron:
Yo, why are you pissed? I was just trying to be nice
Erin:
Ugh yeah, I know... it's just, don't you think honesty could be
refreshing and a nice way to avoid a lot bullshit that ends up coming
between people?
Aaron:
Oh. I mean, I get it. I just, I mean, it' nice to just, be nice too
Erin:
But where do we draw the line between doing shit to be nice and
compromising what it is that you want?
Aaron:
I mean, I draw the line when I do something that is against my fiber
for the other person, against my like, moral compass or beliefs or
whatever... not go somewhere that I find mildly boring that another
person will genuinely enjoy.
Erin:
huh...
Aaron:
Listen, I think you got some stuff, like relationship boundaries and
understandings you gotta work on... I, I don't think that this is
probably what you're looking for, um, you and me... ya know? I never
wanna hurt anyone's feelings but, it's kinda looking like you got
some issues to deal with so... I, uh, think i'll just go
pause
Erin:
… I'm really good at this