Play 18

Thirsty Thursday

Sir- a finance guy, attractive, charming, in the appropriate finance guy attire, some sort of like, cornflower blue shirt or whatever, you know, yellow tie? Not old, by any means, so that “sir” is almost a joke or sassy choice

Honey: a server and “artist” (if we must, but it's just the quickest), quick witted, has a pretty hard time putting up with shit and not saying something, cute but odd

Sir: No, no no, come back here. I got a little something to say to you

Honey: Um, no sir, that's okay

Sir: No, listen, I mean, let me apologize for my behavior and I'd really like a little time to actually explain to you...

Honey: All due respect, sir... um, it's fine, and I'm actually kinda busy right now with my work, so we can just move on, it's not a big deal.

Sir: What, you don't think you should listen to what I have to say?

Honey: Um, yeah, I don't think that's what I said... I'm pretty sure that I just have work to do, and if I have a chance later, we can discuss whatever it is, truly, I just have a swamped section right now, and lots of people needing drinks and stuff, ya know, I just gotta go

Sir: It is not that busy in here

Honey: You don't know what my duties are

Sir: I have an idea... I've been here before. You guys are never that busy.

Honey: haha, ugh fine, what is it that's so important

Sir: Babe, what's your name

Honey: My name's Honey.

Sir: Honey. Excellent.

Honey: Yeah, family name, whatever

Sir: Well, honey, I need you to excuse what happened back there. My friends are drunk assholes, right, you work in a bar... I'm sure you can realize and accept a genuine apology.

Honey: Sure. Thanks, though, yeah, I appreciate it

Sir: And now for what I think you need explained to you

Honey: Um, oh?

Sir: Yeah, honey, girls like you, sometimes they need things ya know, explained to them

Honey: Oh, yes, sir, please go on

Sir: Sometimes you're gonna meet assholes, and they're gonna be assholes to you, and you're gonna stand there for a bit and think to yourself, what's this guy's fucking problem? I mean, who does he think he is... um, Honey, dear, are you listening to me?

Honey: haha Not really

Sir: I think this could be valuable information to you.

Honey: um, haha, I think you're being a little condescending, so I'd appreciate it if you made your point so I can continue working.

Sir: See, this I what i'm talking about... the sharp tongue, the don't-give-a-shit attitude, nose rings, tattoos, working in a bar... I mean, you're just such a classic example of the “girl with daddy issues” character that has become the attractive or endearing girl of your generation... you're clearly intelligent, why don't you find like a nice company to work for, to let you give them some creative ideas or whatever, and let yourself stop dealing with shit like this bar, things like dealing with my buddies.

Honey: Daddy issues?

Sir: What, was that too far?

Honey: It's pretty presump-

Sir: Ya know, I don't give a shit if it's too far, cuz it's fucking true. I'm so sick of these fucked up girls feeling bad for themselves just because something sorta bad but also just sorta normal happened to them. Big fucking deal. Bad things happen, you don't get to fuck with people's heads just because you think it's justified

Honey: Someone's been hurt

Sir: Um. Yeah, um, what? um excuse me for that.

Honey: You don't have to feel bad about it.

Sir: I just, I know your type of girl, and I just think that you've a long way to go

Honey: Dude, sir, um, whatever your reason for being incredibly personal and forward with me tonight does not give you the right to assume anything about me or to try and make me feel bad about anything. I already know what you have to say anyway, that being smart and pretty, why wouldn't I take a stable job that pays me well and get married and have children so that I can perpetuate the cycle of man as we spiral and spiral and spiral. Sorry to break it to you, dude, and I'm sorry some mean, broken girl artist or whatever broke your heart, really I am.. but someone's gotta break it to you... you're the asshole you're warning me about.

Sir: Well I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say to someone like me.

Honey: and who exactly are you?

Sir: Excuse me?

Honey: I mean, why do you get to come here and tell me any way to think. I can pretty much guarantee our lives have been pretty fucking different, sir, and just because you made the choices you made and that has somehow bestowed a certain societal status for some reason on you (well, money and normalcy, mostly)... well I'm sorry, that does not give you any right to make some blanket statement about all girls who have their noses pierced. And it's the fucking assholes like you who are gonna try to tell me that what i'm doing isn't good enough because you see me here, just making some dumb fucking money so I can live in this city. And newsflash, asshole, I triple majored in college, overloaded every single semester, did extracurriculars, graduated in four years, magna cum laude. Okay, so working in a bar is actually a pretty great break for the ruthless academic and performance based schedule that I'm used to. Plus, I have a whole bunch of pursuits and projects that I spend every moment that I'm not here consumed in. Okay, so don't try to tell me that I should have gotten my accounting degree so I could live in a fucking character-less house and live a character-less existence. Enjoy your office, enjoy your fucking DVR'd television shows every other night and enjoy your happy hour drunken confidence. Worry about yourself okay, stop thinking you know so fucking much and fucking nut up. Dude. Get it together and pursue what it is that makes you happy. Don't do it for that average bitch you've been sleeping with who you think you could stand to marry, don't do it for parents who will die, but not until you spend a whole bunch of time doing shit you don't want to do, and don't do it directionless, cuz that's just lazy... but why not just fucking go for it. Just go for it, okay? Why is that so fucking difficult for everyone? All you motherfuckers earning your big fucking money so you can impress whoever the fuck you think needs impressing with a boat or a vacation or something fucking meaningless so you can all sleep at night never paying any goddamn attention to fucking anything. Fuck all you assholes, fuck the society you've created and ya know, if you can hear nothing else from what I have to say... at the very least, just keep your hands to yourself when you come out for fucking well whiskey after work.

Sir: umm, Honey

Honey: Sir, excuse me for that... um, I'm sorry..Really, genuinely I know you were just trying-

Sir: That was um, offensive Listen, I..

Honey: I cannot apologize enough, sir, I was completely out of line, I'll pay for your meal or your tab or whatever. You clearly just hit a nerve with me, and it was very inappropriate, again I'm sorry

Sir: Well, I mean, you got me thinking...

Honey: Oh, uh really?

Sir: Well yeah, you uh, you said a lot there and um

Honey: I was just talking just generally, ya know...

Sir: Well, and I think one very clear came out of this whole thing...

Honey: Yeah, uh, tell me what you think

Sir: Looks like someone needs to get laid

Honey: Excuse me?

Sir: Yeahhh baby, what do you say

Honey: um. Fuck this. I have work to do, asshole.