A Cardboard Box
A girl, in her mid-20s, on a comfortable bed in a room with some choice pieces, like.. it's decorated. Eccentric but nice. She sits up with much care, and in a split second prepares herself for a performance. She stands and takes on the stance of an actress taking on the stance of a girl in her mid-20s.
Ya know, i'm kinda dizzy
sometimes I get dizzy. And it's not cuz of drugs or alcohol cuz I used to get dizzy well before I put anything but my mom's homecooking in my body. I didn't use to party and then I partied.
And ike even before I got dizzy
I gotta stop stressing out
i'm always like woah, dude, settle down you're nuts
cuz sometimes I feel nuts
and then when I start thinking about it i'm like yo you're obviously not nuts because you're thinking about being nuts and haven't you ever read joseh heller's catch 22? it's about these like soldiers who have to fly planes in world war two and they keep trying to get out of it by saying that they're crazy but if you say you're crazy, obviously you're not crazy, so you don't get out. It's a catch 22. a infinite cycle.
Anyway so then, that's when I know im not nuts
I did a big project on that book my sophomore year of college.
College was fun. Right and then i'm supposed to be like, oh I wish I could go back to college. I wish that I was happy with my life like I was in college, even though in college there were a lot of fucking rules and lot of regulations and stipulation and pressure... I sure wish I had to go back to that just so I didn't have to ya know, be an independent thinker or independent at all. Or whatever.
But there's a lot of power and a lot of beauty in imagination. A lot. I hope I never ever ever ever lose the power of my imagination. Cuz like, it's powerful. I think i'll never think of nothing more depressing than not being able to play with your imagination and let that make you happy. That's really my one wish. And my next would be to help us solve all these rules... ya know?
Guh, I just get upset by the rules, ya know? Like a lot of the rules. I mean, I could address the big big ones, or just the big ones that really hurt the people of this country
I mean, for example, if I don't pay the right group of people a certain amount of money, they can just about arbitrarily decide if i'm allowed to get a procedure, or some medicine to help me be physically well....or maybe it's not covered and you have to pay for the whole thing
or maybe you're just a normal hard working intelligent educated middle class white girl, you don't get insurance without a whole lot of hassle and whole lot of money.
… had you stayed in your tiny mid-west town and got knocked up a couple times and fucking got fired from the grocery store or whatever...well, you and your kids will be completely covered.
And listen, man, I am not saying that we should not have compassion, shit happens, don't get me wrong... i'm just saying there are regulations and fucking whatevers that make this the case.
And I'm really not looking for handouts, but I don't think it's right that someone like me who is working and working just to pay bills, give our arbitrary paper to someone else so they can do fucking something and whatever and the people who that something probably are given more arbitrary paper... and actually, wait a second, it's not EVEN paper anymore. It's numbers. Numbers on a screen. If I had a few more fucking numbers on the computer, I would probably get my back checked out cuz it hurts pretty fucking bad because of my extra vertebrae or my sports or bad posture or whatever I don't care, i'm just saying it hurts
ohh, ok, so sometimes i'll get going like that when I start to talk about college. It's not college that makes me mad. It's, ugh, the coffee shop boy pointed out that I told him I was stressed out multiple times in like five minutes. Why am I so stressed?
Cuz i'm out of my mind
nah guys just kidding. We talked about this. Joseph Heller?
I do know that I came here tonight with no intention of explaining why I wasn't crazy... cuz I realize that you'd probably worry that this person is probably crazy... but really I just wanted to talk about it. Cuz it's easy to think a lot of things about a person before you know a lot actually about this person. Especially an outspoken person... and just as equally a shy person
or a happy person or a sad person
lots of people have had like, nothing happen to them
but even more people that you realize have gone through some pretty big stuff
and this is when i'm supposed to say so don't judge me or something like that, right
well, here's the thing...no. Judge me. Please cuz i'm gonna judge you, and then after I judge you, I'll assume something about your personality because of an action I witnessed or heard recounted... no, fuck you. That's how perception happens. So you'll judge and judge and judge and then your perception will alter and change and morph you into someone that should be around, someone worthwhile to have around... and you're still gonna find out new, huge, insane things this person when through. Stuff you never even thought about. And then you'll learn. A lot. And you'll start to forgive things, ya know
And you won't like everyone. That's not the game.
Some people... you'll just want to fucking punch in the face
And it's not cuz of this or cuz of that or whatever, I mean all that stuff influences it, of course
but like, oh god sorry I got distracted again.
I don't know, you guys. I really don't. But like that's kinda fun, ya know?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little performance, I know it wasn't much but maybe you had a nice time and you can remember a nice time at the theatre after you go home. I dunno.
And this is the curtain call:
(knock knock knock)
MOM: Ummmm, honey.... who are you talking to
all of a sudden, the girl's outfit comes into perspective, her surroundings come into perspective, and with a little theatrical magic, we realize we're watching a little girl playing pretend
she looks at the audience and smiles real big